it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
