Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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