I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
