i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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