I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
