imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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