hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
