Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
