fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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