Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry about my life...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
