idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
