I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
