I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
