If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
