its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize