I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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