Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
