Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
