nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
