Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
