WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
