My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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