Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
