She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
