How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i drank out of a bidet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
