He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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