I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
