is your mom at the bar?
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
