She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
