you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
