if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
