I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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