This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The air was thick with penises
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
