It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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