This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I deserve this hangover.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
