Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My vagina is officially offended.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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