when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
