If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
operation harelip BJ is a go
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
