I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
