my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
