worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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