She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Houston, we have a squirter
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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