Ambien. No doubt about it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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