Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
