i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
