I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
