and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
