I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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