i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
