Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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