So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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