I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
