i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
