8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
