Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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