it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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