Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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