Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
