1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
