If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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