Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
