Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
