that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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