She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
soo... how was my night?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize